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Yikes, almost a week with no new posts! How have you guys survived? wink

This is a topic I've been meaning to write about since I started this blog. Dreams. What is up with these crazy mom dreams I've been warned about? I know pregnant women have them, but I've had more since Autumn has been born. They are always the same story but with slight differences. You know, like all the Twilight sequels, but not so vomit-inducing.

Last night in my dream I was at a Target but with all my old Border's co-workers working there. I was visiting them, but they didn't give a shit. As far as they were concerned, I needed to stop coming back to see them. More of my self-confidence issues as you can tell. Anyways, my cousin Chip was there. I had driven him there and I wanted to leave. So we walked out and I just had my diaper bag/purse with me. I thought I had Autumn in it (Don't ask. I guess she was being carried in it for fun or such. No, I would never do that in real life.) I realized she wasn't there, so I panicked. How in the hell could I have walked out and not realized she was with me?! I bolted back into the store calling her name (as if she could have replied, 'over here Mom!'). I finally came back outside and saw her sitting in a shopping cart with two girls pushing her. I ran over, snatched her out of the cart, and gave the girls a 'what the hell were you doing with my baby??' look. They were all smiling and giggling, telling me they just were going to take her home as if she were a stray dog they found on the side of the road. I took her back to the truck, changed her diaper since her cloth one was drenched both inside and out, and drove away.

There was more to the dream, but that was the major part that seems to be in every dream of mine. What is wrong with me? I don't know whether or not these dreams are manifesting because I'm afraid of losing Autumn or because I feel like a bad mom. This is what dreammoods.com thinks: "To dream that you are searching for something signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life. The dream may be analogous to your search for love, spiritual enlightenment, peace or even a solution to a problem." Well, I don't argue with that! Couldn't I have just lost a shoe in my dream instead of my baby? I'd prefer that. Or even an Oreo so when I do find it in my dream, I get to eat it and be happy. Nomnomnom

What crazy dreams have you had?

More cloth diapers, hoorah! Just ordered Kawaii One Size Snap diapers in a package deal. A really good deal. I will let you all know how they compare to my FuzziBunz and Happy Heinys. I've heard good things, but my daughter's behind shall decide!

On a non-baby note, I'm exhausted. OK, that sort of deals with her, but anyways. I'm exhausted as I said. I love her to pieces, but I think of all the hours of doing absolutely nothing and sigh with remorse. It's funny things we miss, things we take for granted, when they are gone. At the time, we didn't like it/them/whatever and we wanted something different. Then different comes and we think, 'hold on, shit! I changed my mind!' No, I don't regret Autumn. It's her and I against the world! I have Momma Bear instincts, ok? Don't mess with her. My claws can kill. Word.

It's just nuts how things flip around is all. At the time, I hated having nothing to do. I felt like I had no purpose. I woke up, played WoW (yes, I'm a nerd), went to bed, repeat. Hated it. Now I would love to be able to do that for a little bit. Never satisfied, isn't it how that goes?

Black And White-Outs

I sense the time for protests has returned. I couldn't be more excited. I think I was born in the wrong generation. The 60's and 70's had it made. Burning my bra? Count me in. Picket sign wavin'? Where do I sign up!?

A couple weeks ago Autumn and I participated in the Target Nurse-In in Indianapolis. It wasn't quite as riveting as I expected it to be, but hey, it's a start. We just sat there in the cafe area and chatted with the other moms. It was almost like tea-time but with boobs. No workers approached us, no media...nada.

So what protest is going on now? Unless you live under a rock, a rock with no computer or Internet access, you have heard of SOPA/PIPA. I'm sure the link can better explain than I what it is, if you do not know. The protesting is taking place online rather than in person, much to my dismay. I black-outed my Facebook profile. However, I'd love to like...wear censored signs and look all angst in a real protest. Censored signs on my mouth and such, not other places. Pervs.

I really hope we win. America is getting ridiculous. We are the land of the free, right? We started out that way cause it sounds all peachy and rainbows, unicorns, glitter...you get my drift. But now it is like they are thinking, oh shit! People are getting too free. Like taking shit for free. I think congress didn't think about these bills. Not fully. Jobs will be lost, communication will be lost. We'll have to use the Post Office again to communicate! And use cell phones for calling!! Who does that anymore??

No, I'm not being sarcastic...sort of. I really don't want SOPA/PIPA to pass. I hope people still use other means of communication so we don't solely rely on the Internet, but I also know the perks, many perks, it provides. Like you being able to read my super cool magnificent blog. C'mon, you'd miss it. Shh, don't cry. It will be okay, I promise. I'll still be here in real life regardless.

Speaking of real life, there is one hell of a snow storm going on. I drove Tim's truck to work and good grief, I might as well got a dog sled. It would have done much better. I was fish tailing like it was going out of style. There wasn't even that much snow at the time! I should have just stayed at home and started a fire in our fireplace, made hot chocolate, and watch Supernanny. Love love love that show. Definitely using her techniques when Autumn gets older. Then I will teach her to pretend to be awful so I can bring Jo to my house and meet her. Mwahaha (insert more evil laughter).

Let me know what you think of Supernanny. And SOPA/PIPA. And the Target Nurse-In. Hell, tell me your life story.

Zzzz....what?

Oh, I'm sorry Autumn. I thought you were 5 months old, not newborn!

Although she sure is acting newborn again.

I don't think I've had a solid nights sleep in over a week. Cry me a river, I know. But I got used to her sleeping through the night, which she has done since she was two months old. I know this varies from baby to baby, but hell, I thought I got lucky for a minute there.

I've asked around and even called my pediatrician and it is just a growth spurt. She is waking up to receive more milk for more nutrients to support this growth.

Yeah...I'm going through a growth spurt too. Can somebody feed me chocolate every two hours? I need it...for growth and stuff.

I tried in vain to wake Tim up last night so perhaps he could silence Babyzilla. I would have had a better chance at waking a corpse with necromancy. So I cursed, threw off my covers, stomped like a two year old to her room, picked her up, and cried as I rocked her and nursed her. I had to stop after a few minutes cause I made her cry by my crying. I think her thoughts were something like this: "Woman, would you shut the hell up while I eat?! Damn, I'm just trying to have a quiet meal here!"

So I shut the hell up. I cried on the inside though. Ha! Can't protest that, Autumn!

I think finally around 2 am I dozed off in the rocking chair. Then woke again at 7 am with her crying. Stuffed her pacifier in her mouth. Went back to sleep. Woke up finally at 8 am to a urine drenched baby cooing and laughing at my pain.

I'm glad somebody is amused.

Leaky

Don't ask me how many outfits Autumn has gone through today.

Cause I'm going to tell you anyway.

So I cloth diaper. I think I mentioned that previously. Who knows, I can't remember anything these days. I use FuzziBunz and Happy Heinys. They are great and adorable, but I think I am doing something wrong or perhaps I ruined them before. I have followed their directions for washing, only using organic baby powder and not any diaper rash creams because they can cause the material to repell instead of absorbing. I use dye and fragrance-free detergent (currently using Dropps). However, both leak on me. All. The. Time. Usually out the sides and top. I figured I am putting the liner in wrong or Autumn just wets that much. And yes, I change her often. Not only is that a good thing to do, but she reaks. So what am I doing wrong? Hell if I know. I am just glad I was given enough clothes that it isn't a problem to change her outfit every diaper change practically. I have gone through about three outfits today and it is only 3pm. A tad annoying. But c'est la vie. I am dealing with it and Tim is too.

Today is Tim's day off and mine. He wanted to go with some coworkers to hang out and work on a truck. He had asked me earlier if I'd be upset if he went. I told him he can do what he wants, that I don't own him, but my tone betrayed my false accomodating indifference. So he stayed here. Now, I am all about doing what you want when you want and having time apart. But lately I feel he has a gay crush on these guys. And a hard-on for his job. Who wouldn't? If I ran the show somewhere, I'm sure I'd be knee-deep in my awesomeness. But let's be honest. I have a crying pooping machine that goes off almost every hour. It's like playing hot potato except the potato has a leaking diaper on. And cries. And drools.

OK, maybe it isn't like hot potato.

My point is, wouldn't you want somebody around to pass it off to? Take turns? Wouldn't it just bug you if your other was out having a gay ole time and you were stuck with Babyzilla?

Exactly. My heart is on my sleeve and it says, "Hell no, you can't go out. Sit your ass here and help!" So he did. I'm so glad he reads between the lines. Smart, smart boy.

Hello!

Ohh, another Mom blog! That's what you're thinking right? I know. And the stranger thing is, I am the one doing it. Me. I didn't think I'd ever be where I am. No make-up, trying to get through my day in one piece, trying to "be green" by cloth diapering, breastfeeding, actually taking time to read ridiculous mom message boards and blogs...

The thing that gets me though is that most of the parenting/mom sites are full of shit. Parenting isn't easy. Hell, being in a relationship after a baby isn't easy. Taking a damn shower regularily isn't easy.

Yes, I smell awful.

So I thought I'd write my own blog. One that is honest and funny. Completely honest...maybe not always completely funny. I will tell about my days with my beautiful daughter Autumn who is five months old now. I will be real about my relationship with Tim, her father and my fiance. I also plan on giving the scoop about products I try. For giggles, even commenting on the absurd, which nowadays comes in abundance.

So, right now Autumn and I sit in my office. I am the administrator for a DirecTV subcontractor installation group. Tim, my fiance, runs this location. Yeah, we work together. Bad idea? Eh, who the hell knows. The perks is that I come in whenever I want and I get to bring Autumn with me. I got this place set up: pack n' play, swing, Bumbo seat, and we're good. She can't stand being in one of those places too long. So it's really a pain in the ass sometimes here. I run to her, amuse her, put her back, run back to the computer, frantically type out shit, run back to her, breastfeed and wave to techs and they walk by my office window (yes, I'm sure they have all seen my ta-tas by now). It's an easy job that I'm sure my two chihuahuas could easily tackle alone, but it is sure a pain in the ass when you have a baby demanding a change of scenery every 10 minutes. I'm actually shocked I've typed this much without a whimper.

But alas, I spoke too damn soon.

And we're off to home where I shall zone out happily in front of the TV with my nasty fatty mc-fat ass food I plan on picking up even though I'm on Weight Watchers. Grease...how you soothe my stressed out soul.